I Know What I Don’t Know

The little girl shouted, "You never buy me anything. I want something. Why can'tI have something? It's always you!" 

The mother responded, "You didn't bring your money. I will bring you back later." 

The little girl retorted, "No you won't" as I listened, my back turned, reading the latest issue of The New Yorker. Astonished that a domestic dispute had occurred in this quaint bookstore, I didn't turn my head to see the performers—I refused to learn if Diana was indeed the seven year-old she sounded like or her mom, the white woman her dialect reflected. 

"Diana, what are you doing with that book?” the mom inquired. 

"If I can't get anything, then neither can you," Diana expressed vehemently. 

"Diana, you're being ridiculous," the mother stated cautiously, in a joking tenor to denote that she had control of the situation. 

"You always get; I never get—that's not fair. I never get shit. Fuck you." Diana shrieked. And there was a crashing noise. Apparently Diana had thrown a book but I didn’t turn to look. 

 Someone mockingly whispered, "Santa's coming soon." 

I thought “That person is right. Santa is coming soon and he’ll bring everything Diana wants—in just five days.” Why hadn’t her mom used the, “Santa will bring what you want for Christmas” line?

         Dianna must’ve heard the whisper. “Ain’t no Black Santa bringing me gifts.” Intrigued, I wanted to turn around—see Diana. Why would she say such a thing? Black Santa? I was sure she was White—the voice, it sounded white, the neighborhood was White. 

     Then another mocking whisper, “Then ask White Santa; he got more money than  Black Santa!”

   That voice of the mocking? Was it a Black voice? If so, then I suppose that comment was allowed. Was it a White voice? Then that’s a racist comment. What if it was an Indian’s voice? No. I’d recognize an Indian’s voice! Native American? Asian? 

I should turn around and find out, identify the racial makeup of who voiced that racist comment—but if a Black person ssid “Then ask White Santa; he got more money than a Black Santa” it’s just a joke—no harm no foul. If a White person said “Then ask White Santa; he got more money than a Black Santa!” I would become irate, angry—or perhaps I was reluctant to cause commotion—a scene two—more confrontation.  

But I need to look back—to know. Or perhaps I should just keep looking forward, knowing what I don’t know?