Ass Backwards Mississippi

Prisoners In the state of Mississippi who are sentenced to the death penalty may have an alternative to death: Blindness. Starting at the beginning of the new year, death row inmates might have the option to depart from death row if they agree to reversible blindness. 

“With there being a fraction of inmates killed who the state of Mississippi later found 

not guilty, we feel obligated to find an alternative. With the reversible blindness method, Ophthalmologists and scientists developed, we will at least have an option to reverse the blindness if said inmate is found innocent in the future. Scientists have not–at least to my knowledge– found a method to reverse death. Therefore we deem reversible blindness the best solution,” voiced Mississippi's governor at a press conference. 

When asked why not just abolish the death penalty and instate the reverdible blindness policy, the governor retorted, “The death penalty is a fundamental avenue for addressing crime in Mississippi, for the heinous acts criminals partake in, raping women, murderering people–the death penalty is necessary for our citizens to remain confident that the state of Mississippi has their backs if a foolish individual decides to take the life of one of their love ones.” 

The governor noted that in circumstances where an inmate took the live(s) of a love one, that the family will have the option whether to do the following:

Have the inmate put to sleep. 

Blind the inmate. 

Allow citizens to decide via an online voting survey. 

Allow the inmate to decide. 

“Blind me, cause I ain't killed them people they say I killed. I sure as hell hope I'm given an option, for I know what I'm choosing, said Drexel Carmathy, an inmate on death row for murdering twenty people at a mall. “I'm not hating or anything but that's something white people do. There was no money involved, no drugs, no love triangle or jealousy. No gang activity. Those are all the things us Black people kill fo and none of that was a part of this crime–even the investigating officer was confused when I was identified as the gunman. But I ain't do it.” 

Critics argue that the reversible blindness is cruel and unusual punishment but would rather have a blind inmate than a dead inmate. “Oh the south, we are so assbackwards” rambled Ruby Berry of Mississippi. “The state I love and simultaneously detest is on the right track but the politicians are wearing blind folds and can't see which direction to steer the train.” 

Eighty percent of Mississippians support the reversible blindness policy.